Life: A Tea Party of Curious Emotion

-Nov 12 2010

Sometimes it seems as though I'm seeing everything in black and white. It's almost as if I'm trying to find that one thing that makes everything explode in COLOR. Who can say what that thing is? All I can do is keep going and watch lazily, eyes half opened, hoping that something amazing comes along and widens these eyes of mine. It's rather grim, but I'm not sad about it. It's just life. I always try to put a spin on it- imagine it in some wispy notion of a dream. Sleeping Beauty, waiting for her prince. Except I don't really care if it's a prince. Hell, if it gives me purpose, I don't care if it's a purple hippo with magneta polka dots.

I keep having the strangest dreams. The first one was about me and my cousin Sandy being locked in a library. We both had different tasks to do, and she was right there, but so very far away from me. I could see her, right down to the dust caught in her eyelashes, but I couldn't feel her at all. It made me very melancholy. Really, when I think about it, it's how I feel most days. Except, they feel real to me, but I don't feel real to myself. Illusions, illusions. It's really all what life is, huh? I've been missing my old memories so much lately. It's annoying how much I miss it. I'd hate to know what it would feel like if I actually remembered everything. I've been trying to distract myself from it, actually. To enthrall myself with humanity. It's funny, all of these people are so different, but all of the emotions going on inside are the same. It makes me feel bad for them. I wish I could make them all happy and at peace. But, I can only change a few of them at a time, if they let me.

Emotion is a funny thing. A painful, lovely, horrid, beautiful thing. At times I curse it, and at times I think emotion is a gift. I guess I'll never truly figure it out. It just is. Humans are tied in deeply, and it is what their gift is, but also their curse. It's the one thing I share with them. The one thing that keeps my mind anchored on the present. The music of life- the haunting melody that plays in everyone's mind...